Things Change....

In the matter of moments things can change. For this is the reason I am constantly reminding myself to be truly grateful for everything! ♥

During nice weather I like to go outside and just "be". I find myself looking up a lot or just soaking up the sun, staring at leaves or being completely taken by a tree in the distance and it's shaking leaves. Sometimes I actually think the leaves sparkle in the sun..... I can be easily amused and filled with love. For years I've loved long walks, with company or in solitude and can find true peace where I am always content with my thoughts...

It is important to be able to take yourself out of a stressful moment in time and just appreciate the life that surrounds you to get yourself back to a place of peace.

I've had to recently struggled to put myself back in that place....

This Thanksgiving my oldest son has decided to spend it with his dad. It is the very first Thanksgiving he will not be feasting and giving thanks with me. I'm feeling a little down that I won't be spending time with him tomorrow but am happy he is excited about his time with his father.... Well, things do change.

Every year it's either my mom or I cooking the Thanksgiving feast. We usually go all out with an abundant amount of food and dessert but we have decided, kind of last minute, to refrain from cooking.
My grandma on my mom's side of the family is not well and is taking a more concerning turn. My grandma is in a hospital rehabilitation center due to the fact that she needs round the clock medical care. She is very frail and is always hooked to a breathing machine which breaks my heart. It's all so heartbreaking. Everyone does whatever they can to try to make her as happy as possible but it doesn't always work. Tomorrow on Thanksgiving I will be going with my mom to bring her pie & spend time with her. ♥

Well, we may not be having a turkey this year but we have each other and that is TRULY all that matters.......... Even though things change.
~Stay Positive~

Peace & Love

"thinking positively"

Feeling an extraordinary attitude change and thinking positively about the holidays. I have also begun mental & residential preparations for an impending Chicago winter. It's really hard to tell what it was that put me in such a positive place of mind. Could it have been the little nostalgic conversations I have been having with the kids lately. It's possible it could have been all of the Christmas music I've been listening to in the kitchen while drinking my pumpkin pie spiced coffees. Well anything is possible, so I now push forward to plan my little Thanksgiving feast and start to fuel the children's excitement with all of my baking habits.

It's funny how certain things can swiftly bring you back to your own place of comfort. Like when I hear people say, "think of a place that brings you peace", I immediately think of sitting on my mom's homemade couch in my living room around the holidays. The next visual I get is some black and white movie with the beautiful melodic sound of Bing Crosby. I'll never forget how I was able to turn my head to look outside and either anxiously watch for snow or blissfully enjoy a blanket of snow through our glass patio doors. I especially loved sprawling on the floor by the coffee table my mom used as a tree stand. I would lie with my hands clasped behind my head just staring up at the flashing lights of the Christmas tree. I find it funny now that I use to look over each and every ornament, just feeling the memory imprinted on each gift to the tree. Oh how I loved this time of year and the great feelings it can bring.

I heard "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" yesterday and had a lovely chuckle once again. Man oh man how that song can make me laugh, horrible, yet delightfully silly! Since I am feeling upbeat I will now seek out when my favorite movies will be on to make note of.

"Every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings" ♥

 " 'No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!'-Ralphie; 'You'll Shoot Your Eye Out Kid!'-Santa" ♥

"I get no ZZZ's!"

I am very tired today and possibly a bit annoyed....
Every single night there is a deafening rumble that comes from my bed. It is by far not an earthquake or a lion under the covers but it is indefinitely the roar of a man & his snore. I am kept awake by this every single night of my life & feel as if it is the sound of hell coming to claim me......  Noooooooooo!! 

I was born to this earth a nervous critter not to mention a very bad sleeper.....
How could I have stumbled upon the only man who snores with a base box attached to his throat????????

Good God I need some relief & a multitude of restful nights!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the more ironic side to things, I did happen to meet someone who ALSO wakes up every night during the witching hour. I suppose I could categorize that under "someone who understands me ", I guess...

My dream:
~To meet up with my love in a blissful place of 8-10 hours of slumber, with rest filling our eyes instead of stress.

~For both of my dear children to fall in their beds at a reasonable time without debate & to finally accept the Sandman's gift to sleep until the sun climbs above the horizon!!!

You see, I don't ask for much these days, HAha!

"Happy Happy Merry Merry"

I will not give out a million reasons why I feel funky about the Holidays very recently.  I am going to first tell you the pure non-sugar coated reasons........
Plain and simple life just gets more stressful, we travel to the technical side of the holidays. "Okay gotta make that list...did I send out those cards....oh good God are we going to have enough money to get every little thing the children asked us for??!!!..."

I am declaring war on this behavior!!!!!!!!!

I threw in the towel on birthday gatherings due to consistent heartbreak by people, so why not the Holidays also!?! What keeps me together is truly my children. So these progressed negative anxieties I have for the holidays are now fueled by something out there called "Face--booking".... The place that provides you with more of a reminder that most of your friends and relatives all gather together with each other to celebrate in merriment. Things only are getting more complicated with time & I just want to throw in the holiday towel!! OH of course I will not. I wonder what my dad would have to say if he were still here.
I flashback continuously to childhood & how Christmas literally meant the WORLD to me. All I can remember was the most intense feeling of belonging, acceptance, togetherness & love.... (who am I kidding, I also remember lace cookies, glass candy & LOTS of presents!)
Well once again I listen to holiday music way too early, not because I'm overjoyed, but because if I don't I am afraid I will be found out by my kids..... I don't want them to know these feelings I try so hard to get rid of.

  My son is holding this leaf..... I took this photo when we hiked a little trail to explore nature & fly a kite once we got to an open field!♥ It was a great day  ♥ 
   
A little reminder to try & find beauty in simple things........ This leaf represents the little miracles & wonders in life. It was used to teach my young boys to appreciate these amazing promises the universe has for us if we JUST Stop, Look & Love!♥

For many years I have noticed that I mastered the art of denial. I am waking up. It's intense to say the least. Going through each day as time quickly passes I notice how destructive our society is. I mean, how intensely fearful & controlling we all are..... I can't help but get frustrated when I have the deep desire to explain my thoughts to someone or question them on their behavior. I could and would never place judgement on someone but every once in a while would like to figure out why people do what they do. I wonder every day... if people weren't so fearful... would we all be so controlling.??

Enlighten yourself here okay! ....

Picture this if you will:   If there was less fear of going "poor" would we be so stressed out trying to control our lives & other's lives to gain wealth?   If there wasn't so much stress would there be less disease?
There are moments I have to reflect on whether I am allowing my children to bear witness to any of these stressors. I want to ultimately make sure that they don't learn to use control factors to get what they want in life, or yet let people manipulate or control them...

When I was diagnosed with cervical cancer I was going through the most stressful part of my life.... I am free and clear now, but it took quite some time to free myself from the stress and controls in life. Life by no means is free from problems, but quite honestly it's how you react to them that will determine how you let yourself evolve.

Once again open your mind and picture this fantasy....
If you could have all of your loved ones back, free from diseases, no worries.... would you give up your insecurities of status or wealth?? Would you live a simple humble existence if you were promised peace of mind and good health??? Some people I know would still have Tiffany's dreams and ex-boyfriend nightmares BUT how would it feel to be in a genuine state of peace.
I know this is not a realistic possibility but maybe if we try to treat each other with respect no matter what our individual beliefs are, maybe if we stopped living beyond our means, and maybe if we can just be satisfied with being alive and appreciate nature.... instead of "wanting" could we find something inside us or in nature or spirituality that can fill the void we seem to think we have?

~It's something to think about.~

First thought.......

I ultimately found a place to share some of what goes on when a 35 year old adult spoiled brat raises two little boys.  I couldn't be more happy about it either.  I am always more than happy to accept guidance myself, therefore it is very easy to "put us out there" as my significant other would like to describe it! This new little adventure of mine will find myself some momentary comfort especially looking to the very cold Chicago winter we are about to go through. I will hopefully find lots of time to inform or just lightly entertain with our daily chaos... and there is lots of chaos. 

Introduction;-)

I'm educated but not always very smart,
I'm too soft and too hard.... where it counts.
I can be very creative, sometimes lacking in muse.
I know certain things real well,
I too have a good story to tell....... I am the Betsy Johnson of sorts!! (sans cartwheel)