I absolutely have no intentions of writing anymore until I make something very clear. I did not just wake up one morning, scratch my head and exclaim "I think that I will be a writer!". That is not how I work. It's a passion that I was afraid to expose, but I have recently been hit with the inclination that I am suppose to write. After a lifetime of journals, poems and therapeutic unsent letters; I have now seen the signs and have decided to follow this path. This is the path that I was meant to take. I know what people are thinking. I see signs, yes, it sounds crazy as heck but let me enlighten you a bit.
My whole existence there has been signs but not until recent years did I realize how to really read them and acknowledge that they actually and quite rationally do exist! For example, as a child I would read the signs without knowing what the heck I was doing, people just called me sensitive so I did as well, but there is more to it than sensitivity. As an elementary student for the short period I had attended public school, I rode the bus with the other neighborhood children. There was a morning I woke up and remember very clearly how I entered my mom's bedroom, slowly approaching her with a nervous stomach and explained to her that I just didn't feel right that morning. I remember looking to the side of her bed at the television on her night stand.....when I heard the word "bus". I began to cry really hard and I remember the look in this poor woman's eyes looking down at her daughter who now was completely distraught.
I begged for only a few seconds to stay home from school before my mom had the phone in her hand excusing me from today's attendance. It wasn't long before my mom got a phone call that the bus had been pulled off the side of road. No one was hurt but the phone call was to inform parents that the children will be arriving late and everything was taken care of. If my memory serves me correctly I believe the bus driver was intoxicated and that was the cause to whatever had happened that morning.
I told this story to give a small example of how the rest of my life would then be like. Many many times I've seen the signs and listened, sometimes not even knowing what the heck I'm doing but just trusting my gut instinct. There are many more times I ignored these signs which has probably been the reason for some of my life's negative outcomes.
Last summer I took a very important and long overdue trip. I connected with some amazing relatives. While surrounded by these beautiful loved ones I was given an opportunity to read the contemplations and beautiful declarations of my Grandmother who has passed, while looking through an old album. There were a couple of intensely thoughtful and sensitive short writings in that book of pictures. She was a military Sergeant, a wonderful grandmother, and a great writer among many many things.
After the loving connection with these family members I then unexpectedly connected with something amazing and very powerful.... Self.
After thirty five years of being, I was filled with something new and very special. Call it a very personal and spiritual quest or whatever you will but I now see everything a little differently. I have the spiritual ammunition to try to help my children grow into instinctively aware and loving individuals.
I am confident. I am contented. I am connected.
After going through this spiritual awakening of sorts I also learned the art of meditation. With a little guidance by loved ones I now can try to meditate, pray and ask God and Universe let me see the signs that I need to see. I watch for them with a very open mind and with a heart full of love. I try.
As a final example, a few months back we took the children to the Lincoln Park Zoo and we spent the whole day downtown Chicago. This was the day I read my final sign.....
After standing for a while waiting for public transportation I had my boys sit down for a few minutes on this bench. Not until after we were home and looking through pictures did I actually read this sign behind my two beloved children...... Needless to say, I listened.
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